Having is losing

Only what you are stays

4 min

We grow up wanting. Because we are told to get good grades, wear clothes, and behave well in the presence of others.

You see that others own cars, houses, race bikes, golf clubs and lots of books. Others live in communities or have a PhD. And whatever it is you get as mental luggage in life, you aspire to something, and to more and to better.

We are trained, raised and educated this way. We comply without giving it much thought. Of course you want to try and own a house instead of renting it. You need a car to move around. Depending on where you live this might even be non-negotiable.

You develop preferences for the clothes you wear, the people you befriend and the clothes you wear.

And when you get the stuff you wanted so much... You only want more. The more you own, the more challenges you have. Because it can lose value, it can be damaged, walk away, disappear or might get stolen.

So we replace, protect, guard, hedge and defend.

Most people are unable to break this vicious cycle of increasing stress that comes with growing 'wealth'.

And then one day you realize you want a total change. But your ego will tell you that you cannot get rid of the Porsche, the yacht, the holiday house in Bali and the gold bars locked up in a safe.

Or maybe you don't own that much to begin with and want to get rid of this uneasy feeling that you are poor and left behind.

How to decluttter your mind

The way you feel is largely determined in your mind. Your thoughts and the way you are programmed to think determine what you see. If you were raised in a family obsessed by fast cars, it is likely that you see look at all the cars around you and judge them on how fast they are.

If you are hungry, you see food everywhere.

If you think you are unhappy you see reasons to be unhappy everywhere.

A change towards having starts with an acceptance of just being and acceptance that you are enough.

Who are you if all the stuff you own is taken away?

Who are you really if you are not your preferences, your needs, your desires, your wants?

What if you could have stuff and not be attached to it?

Can you be a monk in a Ferrari?

That is a difficult concept to grasp. It is also a conceptual thought.

You could own a Ferrari and drive it. But then, when it gets damaged could you accept that, completely?

Imagine something material that you own, a watch, your car, the house. Or something immaterial, like your job, your diploma or even your name.

How would you feel if you lose it?

Would anger overtake you. How are you still deep inside. What if the thing would be taken away.

Sometimes it helps to imagine yourself as your younger self and think about how this version of yourself would feel.

Young kids don't have preferences yet. And when they see something they like, a beautifully crafted yellow Ferrari or a flower in bloom, they will react to both in awe.

But a flow in bloom is as beautiful as a yellow Ferrari.

The essence of unpacking your mind is to return to this childhood innocence and use it as a basis for approaching anything in life.

Take this vision of you as a kid into a micro meditation today. Approach it with a light mind and base it on the principle of: 'what you are stays, what you have you will lose'.